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Why You'll Never See Me In A Bikini

Aside from the typical body image issues and despite the fact that my bikini is super cute, you'll never see me wearing it, uncovered, in public. To be frank, modesty has nothing to do with it. If I didn't have my issue, I'd totally rock my two-piece on the beach without a care in the world. Actually, I used to do just that. The beach used to be my favourite place, frolicking in the water and buying a super cute suit that makes me feel so confident. Going mid-day in summer was a no brainer, everyone does it so count me in as well. Used to. 

It was summer and I was just a simple-minded teenager. My sister and I did what we had done many times during that holiday, play around on the beach all day and splash in the water till the sun goes down. Happily in our cute bikini's - mine with a pair of short-shorts that made me feel the most comfortable, her's just your standard bikini - totally fine with how we looked. We're quite thin girls anyway, we felt fine in a bikini. 
I have never been able to get a tan. My sister can get a little colour, more than me, but nothing too brown. No matter what I did, my white skin only ever burned until the day it didn't even do that. My white skin glowing in my bikini was surely a sight to judgmental beach goer's catching skin cancer. I came to accept it, it was a part of me and honestly, my pale skin suits me and my aesthetic. I couldn't imagine myself tan even if I wanted to.

As the beach began to clear out, my sister and I ran to the water for the 50th time that day. Subconsciously I may have even been hiding in the water, away from the eyes on the sand. We spent most of the day in the water. 
A group of girls and two boys made their way over to us as we were minding our own business. With a beach ball in their hands, they snickered as they stared, making their way past us and settling for a spot near where we were. After a few minutes of their stares and snickers, they turned to each other and not-so-quietly said, "OMG those girls are so PALE!" 
Laughter followed as if being your own, natural skin colour was the funniest thing they'd ever heard of.
"They must be sick."
"Why would they even bother coming to the beach."
"Learn how to sun bake, get a tan." etc, etc.
We went from, "So then don't look at us, why the hell are you near us?" to sinking lower into the water and telepathically shooting bullets.

They held their position, snickering to one another, the boys eyeing us up and agreeing with the girls. Obviously they were bored. Your ball get boring did it? Got tired of tossing it back and forth all day? Sick of each other's company are we?
A few times the ball 'accidentally' landed near us so they could 'retrieve it'. Eventually, even that got boring and they left. 
Not once did we move. Not once did we visibly faulter. We refused to give them the satisfaction, no matter how it hurt. Our swim was now ruined. 

I have never worn a bikini in public since. And I'm 22 now, it's been years. I hate going to the beach while the sun is up and everyone is there. Despite how comfortable I may be with my skin and how happy I am of my paleness, I still won't do it. Now, I'm much more self-conscious than I was, knowing that strangers are judging. 
Words and actions hurt, especially for an introvert. (Haha, that rhymed!)

Photo by Sheree Grace

- Sheree


  1. What a horrible lot those people are, made me angry just reading about them! I give you and your sister a lot of credit for holding your ground in the water. Some people just have nothing else better to do than pick on others to hide their own insecurities. ♥

    Kelly || Amourtera

    1. They really were, they were obviously really bored with themselves and as you said - masking their own insecurities. They won't get very far with that attitude anyway, jokes on them ahahah Thanks :)


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