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16.11.15

The life stories of a shy girl

 I've always been the quiet, shy girl. Afraid to speak too loud or even at all. Trying to get past in a crowded area is a nightmare, and trying to get someone's attention for whatever reason becomes near to impossible.
This (and everything else) is why Fluttershy from My Little Pony is my spirit pony - I am her she is me. 
It's magnified if I'm alone, or the new person in a situation. It makes simple little daily tasks, quite a problem. 

The Shop-block. 

Trying to get into a shop when selfish people are blocking the entrances causes a little skip in my heartbeat. How can I enter? As I approach, I'm annoyed, yet worried and want to barge past but also want to be polite. The sad part is, these people see me there and are well aware I want to enter, but refuse to move. 
I pause at the entrance and wait for a few seconds, but that doesn't prove useful. Does it not look like I want to enter?
Finally, I decide to make my presence abundantly clear "excuse me" I whisper so quietly I barely hear myself.
Nothing. No one even bats an eyelash. Probably because they can't hear me. "Excuse me," I whisper again "I'd like to get in." It's been an embarrassing few minutes with little results. 
Eventually, I gently nudge forward and try to squeeze past as gently as I can. "So sorry, I'm sorry, just want to get past here, sorry." 
I'm in! Horray! And it only took about 10 minutes and some nasty looks in my direction. And an amused smirk when I checked out. 

The coffee shop hold up.

I'm well aware it's lunch time, but I'm still hoping this cafe` I'm entering is deserted. It's not. 
As you'd imagine, busy small coffee shops with absolutely nowhere to wait for your order are the worst. How does one move and where does one wait without looking out of place and likely annoying someone? Well, I start by waiting in line. 
There is no line. 
The checkout girl gives me a polite smile that says, "you can come here to order now." Perfect, she knows I'm too shy to make a move without an invitation. 
Ordering my small mocha and (heavenly) almond croissant, I back up and search for somewhere to stand to wait for my order. NOW there's a line. I hesitantly crawl over and attempt to squeeze past the line to get to the other side. 
No one moves, I can't get past. In fact, the guy blocking my path doesn't even know I'm there. I hover for a few seconds hoping he'll notice, and I even attempt to squeeze my body past him. Nothing.
"Excuse me," I whisper. Although to me, it sounds like I've yelled it. Am I invisible? "Excuse me." Once more, nothing. I've run out of options by now, so I do the only thing I know how to. 
I poke his shoulder. *poke poke*
But it's so polite, I'm positive that it just feels like a light breeze to him. Which startles him so much he throws himself around, only to lower his gaze on me, standing there with an apologetic smile. "I'm so sorry I need to get past." He moves, he apologizes, and I apologize at least two more times. He thinks I'm strange, I'm sure of it. 
I receive my order, and I head out the door. Success! Everyone thinks I'm weird, and now I'm flustered. I practically ran to the train station, but that croissant was comforting. 

Can I ask you something?

It's my first day of my new job, and I'm doing quite well. There's a confidence in me I never knew I had. Until I move stations and begin working with multiple other people. All of whom know each other. We mostly move around each other in sync, until I need to ask a question. The girls are concentrating on their task at hand, and I politely wait until they've finished. I stand close by and crab-walk closer and closer to hopefully make it clear that I'm there. 
I don't think they've noticed me at all. 
I'm standing right next to one of the girls by now. She's getting ready to move away, and my opportunity is fast leaving the station.
"Hey, um, excuse me." Nothing. That was barely even a whisper, what's wrong with you girl? "Um, can I -?" I think I may have even blurted my question out despite no one noticing me at all. 
There's only one thing left to do. You guessed it I poked her shoulder. 
Turning around with a look of confusion, interest and maybe even a little bit startled, she almost-smiles, "yes?" An apology later, my query has been answered, and I move along with a meek shuffle. 
I did it! I'm sure I seem odd and people probably don't appreciate being poked. But when life gives you lemons, poke them until they pay attention to you. 
Repeat this process every single time I deal with other people, and we have the story of my life. I'm not even kidding. Just imagine the communication problems this causes. And the stares. And how long it takes to get to where I'm trying to go. 
(My apologies for the Fluttershy overload, it felt appropriate.) 


Top photo by Sheree Grace
Fluttershy gifs via Tumblr.

- Sheree

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4 comments:

  1. This is sooo me. I have little panick attacks when i have to pay and can't find the money in the first place i'm looking for or stuff like that.
    So you are not alone.

    You sound like you have a great personality either way. You shoudn't hide it.

    Either way, lovely blog.
    I've just started mine. Hope it turns out as amazing as yours.
    https://anasdomain.wordpress.com/

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    Replies
    1. Oh gosh, that's no fun at all! I sometimes get nervous about that too, I try to remain calm and collected but I'm not sure how well that goes! The main thing is, I try haha! One way or another I get there, even if I have to poke a few people along the way.
      And thank you darling! x

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  2. Haha love that you're like fluttershy.
    I'm always very polite, in like a way where I get annoyed when people aren't respectful and polite straight away without and enforcement. Which leads me to not caring if I'm being rude to people, if they're already being rude. Such as if they are standing in the freaking doorway. Ahem, excuse me! Move!
    Tegan xx - Permanent Procrastination

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    Replies
    1. I wish I could be like that. When rude people so clearly won't move, I always want to just scream "EXCUSE ME" but it ends up as a whisper haha. I agree, if they're polite then I'll be so polite but otherwise they don't deserve it. No smile or happy tone of voice for you!

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